Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Working on it

This week hasn't been so great as far as working out has gone. On Monday, I tried to work out with the Wii Fit Active game and it kicked my ass. I am still paying for it-- since then, my thighs and calves have burned like hell every time I've moved. It's really frustrating to be doing kind of well, and then this thing that is supposed to help you just makes you worse. Every movement I make now is labored and painful. I just not got out of an hour-long epsom salt soak/bath. Hopefully that will make a difference tomorrow.

I read (on the internet) that muscles are built while at rest. That is how it was phrased. I of course can't find the link now. But at any rate, muscles repair themselves while at rest. I must've torn the shit out of my muscles for them to be hurting this bad for this long. The worst part is waking up. I can generally get through the night without encountering any pain issues. But I also sleep with my legs bent, so my muscles kind of "set" that way. When I get up and stretch, it's utter agony. (If that's not how it works, then just hush--that's how it works in my brain.) And I have to continue my whole day--on my feet-- in this pain. I wish it would just go away.

As mentioned before, I haven't been able to work out since then. I've tried doing really basic stretches and light yoga to try and work out the pain in my legs, but it's not helped. But I know I can't give up. This is just a minor setback, and I can re-start as soon as my legs feel better. This is no reason to quit.

One thing I have noticed that is making a big difference is my relationship with food. Yesterday, I didn't even bother to pack my gym bag and just came straight home after class. Without thinking about it, I fell into the same old routine-- the tv is on, a commercial comes up, so I go into the kitchen for something to eat. I was halfway through a cheese sandwich before I realised what I had done. I was startled. I haven't done this in what seems like a very long time!

I've been really good about not over-eating and portion control and even to some extent paying attention to my caloric intake. For another example, Andy and I went to O'Charley's on Sunday. I always order a salad with my meal, eat pretty much all of my meal, and split a mini-desert with Andy. This time, I got just an entree, and only ate half. Yes, I had *some* bread, but no more than usual.

There is a final example that happened tonight that got me thinking about this. When I got off the bus tonight, I went into the store and got M&Ms and my prescription. I'm not really the type that goes gaga for chocolate or wine or anything like that. The reason I am overweight is because I don't like moving around and I love cheese. Among other things. But, I felt like I could use chocolate in the house in the future, so I grabbed a bag. I did actually go into the store with the two items I bought in mind.

I went upstairs with my bag of chocolates, intending to have a nice long soak in the tub and some chocolate and read, but something else happened. I opened the bag, one piece fell into my hand, and I ate it. That was all. I had that one piece. A month ago, the whole bag would have been gone in less than half an hour. Then I'd be left feeling sad, for a variety of reasons. But I only had one. Once I noticed this, at the end of my soak, I had a few more (because I was thinking about them) and put them on the dining room table. Where (for lack of a better space) they belong. Not on my bedside table, not in my bed (don't judge me!) and certainly not in my tummy.

I'm not saying I'm a new woman. I'm not. I'm still cranky as hell, irritating, and lazy. But I'm working on it. I'm attempting to work out and get more active, I'm more conscious of what I eat, I have been drinking green tea almost every day, and I'm more aware of the things around me.

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