Sunday, September 2, 2012

Random Bad Memory: Trivial shit

So, I'm upset about something completely different, but an odd thing keeps popping into my mind... Something I've been upset about for about 10 years. It's nothing really, very trivial. But it's something that has stuck with me.

For some reason, when I was in my late teens, my fathers thought they had control over me. I can understand my step-dad's feelings-- he raised me. But at that time, I was trying to foster a relationship with my bio father.

I wonder if anyone can remember a time before cell phones. Or at least, a time before everyone had one. At any rate, when I was 17 or 18, I changed my voicemail message to one of those fake celebrity answering the phone sort of things. I remember one was by the Barenaked Ladies. Just them answering the phone and being Canadian.

Both of my dads freaked out. I got the same reaction from both of them. It was strange-- almost as if they decided together that they were going to yell at me for having a "joke" voicemail message.

Like I said, it was trivial. But both of my fathers got worked up over the tiniest things. Both claimed that I was immature for having such a voicemail greeting. That they didn't call to hear some guys talk; they called to hear my voice. I still find this hard to wrap my head around, hence why it's classified as a bad memory. It still makes me mad that they got so upset over something that was so fucking inane and trivial.

I hate that now I get upset over trivial things. I know my mother does the same thing, and that I can't just blame my parents for my problems. But, as mentioned earlier, I am terribly upset over something completely unnecessary. And I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want to admit weakness.

I hate being me.

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