Saturday

My Wii Fit just kicked my ass. Again.

I couldn't sleep past 5:30 this morning, but I went to be at about 11:30 last night, so hopefully I will survive the day. I don't even know why I woke up; I had my alarm set for 7:30 and was pretty much set on waking up them. Oh well.

I made some tea, 2 pieces of toast, and some potatoes. I am still working on the tea. I wish it didn't get so cold so fast. If I put it in the thermos or something, I always make too much and have the shits the rest of the day.

I really intended to be on the wii fit for 20 minutes today, I really did. The first thing was running, of course, and I'm not wearing a sports bra so I was a little uneven and quite uncomfortable. It kept telling me I was too slow. No shit, Sherlock. The nunchuck controller wasn't reading right. Ugh. I guess I could have lived with those things, but my fucking feet started hurting pretty badly. I have no idea why. I was wearing my green Nikes and I had never really had much of a problem with them. Maybe it was the running in place. Maybe I will go for a brisk walk when the sun comes up. Who knows? I should probably go to my office... Hmmm... I just may do that.

I want to straighten up the junk room a little, so it's not so junky. It smells like kitty litter, bad, in there. But what can I do? I have 5 damn cats.

I don't really have anything else I want to accomplish today, other than what I mentioned last night.

'Saturday'- FOB: I'm good to go for something golden, though the motions I have been going through have failed.

Swing, Swing

Trying to get back into the swing of things. I am going to force myself to sleep tonight and stay awake all day tomorrow.

Today I: swept/mopped the kitchen, made myself dinner... That's about it.

I think I would like to make Friday evenings my official cleaning day. I will tackle a room in the house in need of cleaning, usually the living room. I will try and get everything all straightened up this weekend to get on an even footing with it.

I will probably clean the little boxes tonight, vacuum, organize, straighten, etc tomorrow.

I need to start taking better care of myself. I have been neglecting my personal hygiene, something that is absolutely unacceptable to me. I am six weeks late on my period, so I think that probably doesn't help my mental state of mind. I have, however, been able to keep up with my Alli and Zoloft. I still have crazy bouts of anxiety, though. I have taken a Diaz every day this week, and I could not tell you why that is exactly.

I've got a lot to do before school starts on Tues. I need to copy/make copies of the short stories, edit my syllabus, re-submit my syllabus, make copies of the bastard, all that good stuff.

Am I trying to do too much? I can't rely on Andy to do anything. Sometimes, honestly, I resent him for it. I know he works 40 hours a week and all, but the way he makes it sounds, he just stands around and talks 1/3 of the time. I can't do anything to get him motivated to help me out. I have to remind him to do EVERYTHING. I can't keep doing that. It will be 3 years of marriage in Feb, 4 years of being together at the end of this month. You would think that he would get the fucking hint by now. Apparently not.

I stink right now. I'm hungry. Things are horribly out of order in my house. I am losing my mind.

Andy doesn't notice a fucking thing.

Let's see what I can do

My brain is a mess. I can't keep track of much of anything. However, the internet doesn't go anywhere, so I am going to try TRY to keep up with myself on here.

Ran for like... 5 minutes, walked for 15
watered plants
Trimmed plants

All for now

I am so tired

I didn't do shit with my time off. I knit a little, but that's about it. I need to write my syllabus. bad. I am just so devastated by my BIL that I can hardly think.

Maybe more later, maybe not.

In my meeting

I'm in a meeting right now. I wish everyone would shut up. I can feel my depression taking over again. I don't want anyone to talk to me, or look at me. I wish everyone would wait their turn to speak. I wish everyone would actually think before they speak.

Am I like this? Am I really this annoying when I am not being surly and annoyed? Please for the love of God no one ask me what is wrong. The worst part about this is when people ask what's wrong and I really have no answer.

Thanks for volunteering me to do everything, jerkwads. Thanks. Really, thanks for nothing. I hope you all get the same treatment soon. I really do.

JESUS SOMEONE MAKE A FUCKING DECISION

I can't do another hour of this.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU MAKE YOURSELF CLEAR!?

Freakin' rain

After a weekend of doing next to nothing, I needed to get back on the horse. I forced myself to go to bed at midnight and got up after only hitting the snooze button once. The cats wouldn't let me rest, they were hungry apparently. I did manage to work out for 15 minutes or so, though.

Andy drove me to and from work as it's still pretty humid out and the rain has been unpredictable. I farted around a little, made dinner way too late (Andy decided that playing WoW was a better use of his time than cooking dinner like he said he would) and thus ended up going walking way too late. I just now got home after a grievously abbreviated walk because the rain was starting up and it was really dark. In addition to this, my tea time beverage hit me at the point of no return, that spot where it is equally far to walk home each way, making it quite uncomfortable to walk fast.

I will probably call it a night here. Frank came by the 2 pm class to observe and kept saying how he wouldn't have changed anything; I hope he means it. I guess it wouldn't be in his best interest to lie...

I'm trying, I really am.

I was going to walk to school today, or at the very least bike, but then I realised I had about 30 lbs of books in my backpack that needed to go to the office. I snacked very little while there (just some nuts and dried fruit) and came straight home after class to make dinner. Unfortunately, Andy won't be home for another hour, and dinner has been "ready" for an hour before now, so I'm not sure how he will react. I can't help it that he is on a different schedule than me. One of the contributors to my weight gain was me waiting to eat with him, so I would starve, snack, then eat a big meal. I think he understands that I am serious about needing to lose weight, so here's hoping he doesn't get upset.

After dinner, (with minimal cheese I might add) I went for a walk around Dedmon. I took a loner way and went backwards, but somehow I still wasn't gone for more than 30 minutes. What gives? Do I need to walk farther?

I am going to try and keep this updated so I can track my progess.

Perhaps I will do yoga tomorrow evening, who knows?